Attention: Your Peasant Skirt is Ugly

Ladies, we are only a week into the summery weather, and I am already sick and tired to death of your ugly peasant skirts. I know that it makes you feel very breezy and beach-like to throw on a gauzy, flowing skirt and let it hang off your disgustingly sharp hipbones, then top it with some godawful shiny or spangled camisole top you got at Bebe, but I hope that you will take a look around at the seventy million other women wearing the exact same fucking outfit, and figure out that it is ugly.

Here is why peasant skirts are ugly, in case you can't tell for yourself:

1. The length. Whether full or three-quarter, you can count on a peasant skirt to either droop to the tips of your toes (which are sticking out of your "designer" flip-flops, which are a rant for another time), or to cut right above your ankle, making your legs look dumpier than a Tonka truck. Mini-peasant skirts are so horrible, they will not even be discussed here, lest the discussion perpetuate the breed.

2. The shape. Do you really want your outline to get progressively wider as it nears the ground? Do you really want to be a triangle from the waist down? Do you really? Does it do your figure any favors? No. And the tiered effect makes your hips look unnaturally wide. You don't really want to look wide, do you, Hipbone?

3. The transparency. Not all peasant skirts are transparent, but an unfortunate amount of them really are, and I can see your snatchoo. And I don't want to. You're too skinny for me.

4. You are not a peasant. Do peasants come to your parent's house, and knock the check they give you every month out of your hand? I don't think they do. So lay off their skirts. You do not look like Che Guevara's girlfriend in a peasant skirt. You look like the Mandee store ran out of shitty cheap clothes and hung up some paper towels on their racks instead, and you bought them, and now you are wearing them, you moron.

So, we're clear, then? No more peasant skirts, right? A nice A-line instead maybe? Phew.

(Coming soon: Your Gauchos Mark You as a Pathetically Impressionable Idiot.)

Comments

[Amy]

Where did the peasant skirts come from? I'm not kidding. Everyone has them, and I haven't seen them in any stores. It's like The Man went and knocked on every woman's door in Orange County, but not mine, and handed them out. It's the spring version (around here) of velvety, tight track suits.

[dana]

*walks over to the garbage can and quietly sneaks her peasant skirt in among the trash...feels shame burning in her cheeks, puts on jeans*

[le-aaah!]

don't have anything against peasant skirts personally, but I LOVE the way you HATE them!

[girlbomb]

Dana's peasant skirt is exempt! You're allowed to wear peasant skirts as long as you're not on either coast. Because you have an actual geographic connection to Laura Ingalls Wilder, and are therefore allowed to mooch her clothes.

[Billy-Boy]

Ahh, at last it's put in its place. I hope the next trend up for SEVERE derision is the male flip-flop – UNACCEPTABLE under ANY circumstances.

The "Mandal" is included in this blanket decree.

[satia]

Well I was tempted to do the same thing but I don't wear jeans.

40+ ass . . . not a good look in jeans. Unless you are my mother who somehow managed to get so tiny that her Italian genes have disappeared making jean wearing a possibility.

I look silly in jeans. Every time someone convinces me to wear them they usually comment that they simply do not look right on me after all and ask me to go back to my gypsy skirts.

Are gypsy skirts and peasant skirts the same thing? If so, kill me now. Put me out of your fashion misery. Imagine the money I will save.

S

PS: I really really hate it when fashion trends glom onto something I like because then everyone is wearing "it" and I look like a part of the throng. All you fashion plate addicts go away. Drop your peasant skirts off at the local thrift store where I can buy your $80 skirt for $5 and be happy.

[girlbomb]

See, you nailed it, it's the trendiness of the thing that really repels me more than the thing itself. I had a purple peasant skirt in sixth grade, and I loved that thing to shreds, triangulating as it may have been. I just despair when I see EVERYONE IN A UNIFORM, whether it's track suits or peasant skirts. It makes me want to bust a tunic -- UPSIDE THE HEAD.

[satia]

Well I am looking forward to the passing of the trend so I can dress the way I have been for the past 20+ years and still shop at the thrift stores.

S

[Opheliathemuse]

I was going to say...I loved my peasant skirts in highschool. I still have some hippy gauze ones, just not the tiered ones like Old Navy is advertising insanely. And I have to say, I still kind of want a white tiered one, but the popularity has made the desirability go down, as well as the general quality.
Moreover, I dislike the "let's smash all the looks together for one hideous look" thing. It's like they decided to take the 60s, 70s, and the 80s and just put them in a blender and sort of chop them up. The tiered skirts are just a symptom of this trend, imho. (shudder)

[Éireann]

I'm jumping on the bandwagon of hating trendwhores, who make my own personal sense of style a hideous fashion don't.

Imagine my horror at discovering the very clothes I've been wearing for years and years and years suddenly in all the windows at Rave, Forever 21, Abercrombie and Fitch and various and sundry other disgusting trendy outposts.

I'll just sit here and wait it out, in my paisley skirts and corduroy jackets, until I become fashionably uncool again.

[glowlita]

word on the "attention: your peasant skirt is horrifically seethrough" point. sheesh.

[girlbomb]

Ooh, paisley and corduroy are awesome together. And you've stated my personal goal exactly: "fashionably uncool."

Still wanting that rainbow umbrella hat. That's one you know NOBODY is going to touch.

(PS: <3 glowlita)

[me]

I happen to love peasant skirts >.< True, a lot of the ones in stores are cheap and rather gaudy, but if you take the time to look in classier, yet cheap stores, or even rennaisance fairs you can find some that look really cute.

Wow, I can't believe that someone could have so much anger stored up for a mere skirt!! What's the big problem anyways? Lots of people do lots of things that I might not think are that great for whatever reason...but come on. I don't think that jeans are always the nicest on women especially when they are out of shape and they pair it with a bulky coat that comes to thier waste and their plumb rear end and thighs are sticking out. Where is the attractiveness in that? Jeans are EVERYWHERE!! I don't see any reason to flip out because a few women are wearing skirts that offer a flowing feminine touch. Ahhhh maybe that is the problem. Maybe it's time that we realize that there is nothing wrong with embracing our femininity as we were made to be. I mean come on our bodies are not the same as men...so maybe we should think about that a bit more. Its great to be a woman and all the things that come with it. Anyone else that says anything more here just has a hatred for real women...or start going after some other more ridiculous trends.

Wow, what a bitch.

[Ha!]

Hey, Me: Maybe she's a lesbian and wants her women manly??? ;)

[Erica]

Nah, it's because she's too ugly to pull off wearing a peasant skirt. It's for cute girls. How hatefully jealous she is.

[johnny]

there attractive actually

[kendra]

The peasant dress or any dress wears more comfortable and looks more graceful than short shorts or jeans. I pray that God takes the hate and anger out of you and fills you with love.

Life doesn't have to miserable. Think on things that make you happy:-) Stay positive.

[Skirt lover]

I wonder why she thinks ill of peasant skirts.. The only thing I can tell her is that peasant skirts are never criminals although they are not living things.
Maybe she misunderstand them..
I have a blog about skirts, so I hate everyone who thinks ill of skirts.

[girlbomb]

What I think people fail to recognize, though it's explicitly stated in the comments, is that when I wrote this post OVER TWO YEARS AGO, I was reacting to the sudden trend of every single skinny bitch in New York City throwing on the same skirt at once.

But it's true, as the above commenters have noted, that I'm a lesbian, a bitch, ugly, jealous, and full of hatred in my heart. Oh, and I mistook a skirt for a living thing. Because I'm also a fucking idiot.

[satia]

Scary.

Not sure what is most scary . . . that someone would automatically think ill of another person just because the person doesn't like something or that people are still commenting on something you wrote over two years ago or that these skirts are still popular enough not to have completely invaded the thrift stores yet. *sigh*

[Kenn Beck]

you know what they say about any press, Janice... :)

[Charlie]

"walks over to the garbage can and quietly sneaks her peasant skirt in among the trash...feels shame burning in her cheeks, puts on jeans"

Another sheep being told what to wear.

The fashion police can BE SAFELY IGNORED!!!

PS I'd love to wear a peasant skirt in the hot weather - and I'm a MAN (who's fed up with trousers).