Click? Click? Click? Click? Click?

What the hell am I doing?

WHAT am I looking for? Can anyone tell me? Why do I sit here for hours, clicking all the links in my toolbar over and over, following links to other links, opening new windows, flipping back and forth between three sites at once -- what piece of information is it that I seek so diligently, I wonder? And why do I check my email every five seconds, and all the blogs and BBs I follow, and the news sites? What new life-changing thing do I think happened in the last four point nine nine seconds since I last looked? What? Why do I find myself with one browser window showing a half-written blog post, which I put on hold to read a TWoP Amazing Race recap in another window, which I get halfway through before opening another window to check my email? What kind of bloated, fiscally irresponsible, debt-heavy attention deficit am I running here?

Seriously! What the hell is the exact nature of this dragon I'm chasing? Do I really need to see the latest spam I got from fucking TrueMajority RIGHT NOW? I mean, I enjoy getting a nice personal email from a friend, just like anyone else; that's a little hit of dopamine, I guess -- when you get a note that's just for you, someone saying, Here's me thinking about you in particular. Affirmation that you exist; interaction with people you like. That's worth checking your email for. But face it, there aren't that many of those people, and they can only write yea many emails. And when they do, you have to write them back, and frankly your wrists are shot from simul-surfing BBC and The Guardian and My Yahoo news, and then wringing your hands over the latest atrocities you can do nothing about!

Except to read about them compulsively!

WHY?

Do I really think I'm going to click on the NYTimes website, and have it tell me, "Janice Erlbaum, your book was secretly released early as a surprise for you, and it's already a huge bestseller, HOORAY!"? Am I going to find myself on Drudge with a red siren? Then what the fuck do I care about clicking on it for the fifteenth time today? Paris is still on fire -- I can't do anything about it from over here.

Maybe I'm an infoholic. I don't know. Let me go run a GOOGLE SEARCH on infoholism, and read the top TWENTY MILLION results!

Ee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!

Click.

Comments

[Nacho]

Oh my... I refresh CNN so many times I must account for like 17% of their site traffic..I know CNN's not the best source, but they keep it short and dirty when it's big stuff... I think I just want to see if something blows up somewhere. I'm not usually disappointed. Lately my pursuits have been little more self centered ... not so noble. Currently, I do coninuous blog searches for Virginia Tech Football...misery loves company. And please excuse me, I have to check the 20 blogs I commented on today to see if they might comment back! And, by the way, I've now bookmarked you so I can see if you comment on my comment. And then check my own blog to see if you paid me a visit. Oh, and then check Technorati to see if anyone has linked or whispered anything remotely intersting regarding me or my comments...blogoholic.
Oh, And don't even think of sending me some "this product will poison your cat" email, because I will snopes your ass and respond to the whole gang of people you forwarded it too, just so they know I am internetidly proficient and infromationally superior!
Perhaps my time and clicks and type tippy typing would be better spent on something else.

Oh, and Denmark is burning now too.

[girlbomb]

Nice blog, Nacho. I think your time is well spent writing it.

[Nacho]

thanks for the blog candy girlbomb...

told ya I'd be back to check! But not for just the blog masturbation. You're quite the writer. I'll be back often. Good luck with the book!

[drew]

HA! Because you mentioned Google, Google will love you more and you'll be ranked in your own search very highly.

BTW, I'm the same way. You're definitely not alone!

[girlbomb]

Google google google google google. Yahoo.

Hi, Yukon Drew.