Election Day Results

100 percent of my household has voted, and we are all in agreement: Thank god Britney is divorcing Kevin.

Here in NY, we have a political party called the "Rent is Too High" party. I like this name for a party a lot. I think from now on every time I have a gripe, I'm going to form a party around it. The "Cats are Too Pesky" party! The "Bill Snores" party! Vote for the incumbent, Janice Erlbaum, of the "People are Walking Too Slowly on the Sidewalk" party! And her Secretary of Transportation, Ludacris!

No, but seriously, my party would be named something dorky and earnest, like the "Poverty and Violence Are Bad, Y'all," party. And everybody would see it and roll their eyes, like, "I'm going to vote for the 'Ucchh, Whatever,' party instead."

Today's election day results: I finished everything but the epilogue. Draft Two of this book is significantly better than Draft One. Still, this epilogue. I feel like I should change my life to suit the story. I don't like ending it with things up in the air. I want a conclusive conclusion, and I don't have one. Except, "Life is always going to be even fucking weirder than you thought."

Hey, maybe there's my title!

I'm almost done, and I'm slowing down, which is strange, and counter-productive -- the end is in sight, but I'm stretching it out. Maybe now I think there's a redundant scene in Chapter Seventeen, and I don't know if I love how I started Eighteen. I need to go back and run searches for words like "marveled," and "noted," and "wry." (I changed a bunch of "ruefuls" to "wry"s, and now I think I've got too much wry. "Arch?" Maybe we could all be "arch" from now on. Though that's miles and miles away from "rueful," which is unique in its connotation of "regretful" over "ironic." There's also "deadpan." I have a few of those in there.)

What I really dread is coming back from vacation and deciding I want to do a WHOLE 'NOTHER DRAFT after this one. I had that with Girlbomb, a few times -- any time I stepped away from the manuscript long enough to be able to forget every word in order, I freaked out about how lame it was, how shallow and Young Adult it sounded; a million different unfixable things were wrong with it. What happens when I get back from going away, and I'm seeing everything through entirely new eyes, which is the best reason to go away in the first place? This book is going to suck, and I'm going to hate it, that's what.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I love having imaginary problems in the future! It helps!

Comments

[satia]

My imaginary problem is that I will write 50k words as planned and then never actually look at it again.

Imaginary because I am so far behind now I can't even see 50k and because I am bound to at least milk a few pointless posts out of all this crap I am writing . . .

And then there is the obvious imaginary problem of the fiance who actually expects me to marry him. What the hell is that about?

[DonnaD]

I know right? I mean like, can you even believe that Brit and Kev are gonna split???? Like that totally blows me away!!!!

[Bill Scurry]

Hey hey, ho ho, Erlbaum has got to go, hey hey, ho ho...

[Black oops BoB]

omg omg do you need a LAXitive for your CONstipated imagination? ref.: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I love having imaginary problems in the future! It helps!

[Kirsten]

It will be wonderful... the book and the divorce.

[Wow]

Okay, so K-Fed being a dork aside, why is it that it's okay for women to leech off of men, but it's not considered okay for men to leech off women?

Any high profile woman these days, Oscar winners, tend to dump the guys as soon as they make a bunch of money and realize the guy isn't contributing equally in money terms to the relationship.

Are women really this shallow?

I was waiting at a crosswalk for some extremely fat women to cross, and it got me thinking how do these women find husbands being so obese?

Then, I thought, wait ... I don't know a single obese woman who is single.

So I checked around, and yes, of the women who got divorced among our friends and family, not a single one was obese. The obese women stay with their husbands.

And the women who do get divorced are the skinny ones.

Since it is a well known fact statistically that it is usually the woman who instigates the divorce, it would appear that men are actually more willing to stay in a relationship.

So why the double standard?

[DonnaD]

OK so I must speak out here...I am a BBW (that would be Big, Beautiful Woman), and I refuse to refer to myself as an obese woman...And I am happily married and get this - my husband prefers a larger woman...

And, he's not the only one...

There are many men out there that prefer bigger women...so I dunno about that divorce theory...

I know, touchy touchy me, but it's an issue that's close to my heart and I bristle at the O word :o

[Wow]

I guess you wouldn't like what I really call obese people, which is big fatties, then.

So maybe men like fatter women rather than skinnier women?

(BTW I call super-skinny people toothpicks).

[Wow]

BTW, I always wondered what fat women looked like naked, and after the movie Borat, I'd imagine that they look about the same as naked men. (There was a naked fat guy on Borat).

I don't think it's very appealing. I have no idea why people think the second B in BBW stands for beautiful. I would think it stands for big blubber woman.

[girlbomb]

Well, we're all wonderfully unique snowflakes, each of us with our own crystalline structure and design. Some of us think fat women are beautiful, other people love porn. Who can say who's right and who's wrong? I can!

[Wow]

Well obviously a lot of guys find big fat older women appealing, because that's most of the women out there, and most of them are married.

[TheWizardOfOz]

"I have no idea why people think the second B in BBW stands for beautiful."

Um, maybe because that's what it DOES stand for:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BBW

How about we all adopt this wild, radical, totally-new idea that involves everybody thinking, and liking, things different from each other?

[Wow]

No, to me BBW will always mean Big Blubber Woman.

BBM then will be Big Blubber Man.

Nothing you can say will ever change that after Borat.

[Jennifer Glick]

What the Sam Hill is going on here?

[Wow]

I think you've run into somebody who isn't politically correct, and you don't know how to deal with it.

LOL

Heck, I'm 30 lbs. overweight, so I'm nobody to talk. I joke about my beer and pizza belly all the time. And jiggle it.

[luckydave]

Could I get a rueful and arch on wry? Hold the mayo.