Judgecal, RIP

Heard about the death of an old friend this morning. I’m still in the “no, no, no” phase. I was hoping it was a hoax – he was a conceptual artist with a dark sense of humor – but I just got reliable confirmation: Mark “Judgecal” Chamberlain is dead. His landlord found his body in his apartment; cops say he’d been dead a few days. They’re calling it natural causes, pending a toxicology report. I feel like I just drank a glass of lead.

I just got a Facebook message from him a few weeks ago, in June. I was on Fire Island, ignoring all internet correspondence, but I never hear from Cal anymore, and I was curious to know what was up. I called him and left a message; he called and left a message for me: He was writing a memoir, and wanted some advice. We played phone tag for a few days – I called him twice, and he never got back to me. I just thought yesterday, “I should call and see if Cal’s still working on that book.”

I was talking to our mutual friend Steve last week, and mentioned that I’d heard from Cal, who was working on a memoir. “And you know, it’s kind of my day job to charge people for advice on their memoirs, I’m up to my ears in memoirs, but I’d love to read Cal’s life story.” Steve agreed. Out of all the exceptional, bizarre, demented, amazing, talented, crazy people we knew through our old jobs at Pseudo.com, Judgecal was…the most.

Cal! I used to see him around the Meadow, around Washington Square Park, even before I knew him at Pseudo. He was gorgeous – a blond Billy Idol lookalike with tattoos up and down both arms, and this unexpected, genuine smile. When I started at Pseudo in 1996, I immediately started to sexually harass him, dropping by his cubicle all the time to flirt with him, which he encouraged, though he did not requite. He had the most beautiful girlfriend, a pneumatic stripper who adored him and called him at work constantly, often while I was standing in his cubicle (decorated with Giger drawings, and pictures of girls with horse tails and bridles), acting like a bratty younger sister.

We worked on a number of projects together, most notably on a show called “Quakecast,” a show revolving around an interactive 3D game that gave me motion sickness every time I tried to play it. Cal could be “difficult” – there was not a single employee of that company who wasn’t “difficult” – but he was endlessly patient with me when it came to Quake, and helped me immensely with an onerous duty.

One day in ‘98, he came into my office and asked me about therapy. I knew that Cal had had an unhappy childhood, that he’d been on the street as a kid, and that his sobriety of the past few years had been hard won. You had to respect the hell out of someone who’d worked their way up from druggie urchin to Chief Technical Officer of a cutting edge internet company, and I did. We talked pretty explicitly about analysis, meds, recovery, PTSD, suicide, and the struggle for mental health. I offered to get him some referrals. He declined, and neither of us ever mentioned it again.

Cal! You mean I’m not going to run into you on your Rollerblades anymore, crossing your arms in your sleeveless t-shirt to make your tattoos bulge? Impossible. I just called your phone this morning, after I heard the news, unwilling to believe that this wasn’t a gag, an art project, like when that poet Todd was supposedly killed in a mugging back in ’95 (and oh, how hilarious! What a brilliant “performance piece” that was!) Your voice sounded fine, and I felt sure that I was going to hear this was a false alarm, a prank, a mistake.

It’s got to be a mistake. Cal, we still have to talk about that book you’re writing. I bet it’s brilliant. I can’t wait to read it.

Comments

[satia]

When my friend Jenny was raped and murdered I felt the same kind of no-ness that you are describing. Like this is not how it was supposed to be and I have a long list of other people who don't deserve to live half as much as she and why why why?

I am sorry. Impossibly sorry.

[LindaS.]

So tragic.

My deepest condolences Janice!!! I'm very sorry to hear :( Life is way too short...

[Jim Hall]

Girlbomb- I just found out about this via the ex-pseudo list on y'hoo. I am on 'holday' in Spain. (Moved to UK a couple years ago.) I woke up thirsty, decided to check e-mail and there was a post from T-bo/Josh/Owen/G'sky looking for next of kin info. apparently cops caled Owen (?). I, like you, thought it might be a gag of his.

like the time I had blood poisoning from a cat bite. I had never heard of it, and thought he was just trying to freak me out. he was telling me to go the emergency room. Now!

I laughed it off but went to see my doctor instead. my doctor said he very likely saved my life, if not at least a 3 day sojourn at St. Vin's...

Such a magnificent, dastardly, cantankerous, mischievous, yet astonishingly innocuous and sweet sweet guy.

a couple times I came to work and mentioned he was in my dream the night before, mildly homoerotic, but nothing too salacious, and on both occassions, he said in that 'can't tell if he's serious or not' tone of his, 'Dude! No way. I dreamt about YOU last night!' We joked we were dating in our sleep.

Like I said that happened twice. Hopefully it will happen again soon.

[Spyro]

Judy tipped me off to the post on your blog and I did the big flip out. Hopefully I'm going to see Lou Velez who came to town on finding out and Mark Scarpa today and find out some more details.

[MarkF]

Hi Janice,

It has been a while, and I am sad to meet again after the Pseudo years under these circumstances. I was so sad to hear Cal passed away this weekend - I'm in shock, though I do not think that its a hoax, sadly.

There is so much I remember from Cal through the years... from sharing a drink with that smiling dude back at Danceteria in '84 to the Pseudo - when I was very pleasantly surprised when in '94, I popped in to see Josh and there was Cal hosting a showing on Alien landings... an auspicious start to JudgeCal's High Weirdness and pseudo itself. Cal was truly

Fast forward to 2003, Cal was working with my buddy Dennis on Wicked Wireless making things run smoothly - always at the forefront of the new tech.

What really shocks me is that I had heard from him about four weeks ago for the first time in a few years - and was really hoping to catch up. The last message I got from him was a link about Josh Harris' statement that Pseudo was a hoax.

Well, if there is anything I can say about Cal is that he was always a fantastic guy, smart, funny, with a great heart. The world is less of a place without him.

[Jacki]

I called his phone too. It was the first thing I did when I found out.

We all have different memories of Cal - and all oddly similar in their appreciation of his unique spirit.

I wrote about him too yesterday. It's helping somehow.

-Jacki

[ana perana]

I'm speechless really. Cal and I in a strange way grew up together, having met as teens on the streets of the lower east side in the early 80's. The older I get I know more and more old friends time will come, it is the price we pay for living so fast so young. BUT NOT CAL, I think I even told him once that he'd out live us all...
He was a little shit and a good friend, i will revere him for the rest of my days.

[Steve]

so wrecked about cal,
i love what you wrote janice,
thanks

-Steve

[Clio Bluestocking]

I'm so sorry.

[Seth R.]

Wow. This really bummed me out when I saw something on Shannon's Facebook page. I'm glad that someone like you is there to remember him. Didn't know Cal really well, but he seemed really genuine - warts and all. I hope the lad is in a better place. Hope *you* are doing ok.

[Marissa]

I too was hoping it was a joke..devasted that it is not. I was looking forward to running into him soon. We worked side by side for a few years of endless hours at Crobar.. one of a kind to say the least! An amazing spirit that will be deeply missed by so many!
Marissa

[Tom]

Yeh...its 6 days out and its still hard to believe. I've been wondering why, since he and I weren't close. But two things emerged that began to explain my feelings: I knew the bare outlines of his life and I remembered how much he was self-taught...hell, it was an inspiration for me when I taught myself programming after Pseudo! So it dawned on my how much I admired the hell out of the guy. Secondly, Judgecal was nothing if not a survivor! All about personal security, perimeter protection, and finally (as a last resort, mind you) the use of Appropriate Force. People like that aren't supposed to slip quietly into the night at the age of 40. I'll never forget him. I just wish we'd been better friends, but that's not his fault. Thanks, Janice, for posting this. Also, its great seeing you as a successful writer! About 2 weeks ago I read a random section in Girlbomb and thought you are one of the best 'dialog-icians' I've read in a long time!

[Janice]

Thanks for the condolences, and for the memories of Cal. There's a Yahoo group set up for him here:

http://groups.google.com/group/more-judgecal?hl=en&lnk=

I "look forward" to seeing many of you at the memorial. I mean, I don't look forward to it, but...you know what I mean.

Thanks again for all the kind words. They mean a lot.

[Steve Heaslip (Blue)]

This is such sad news... Cal was one of those people I would describe as being so full of life that this is difficult for my mind to accept.

Doing QuakeCast and Shooters with Cal (and of course you, Janice) was a very memorable time... it still seems like yesterday.

I have a very heavy heart right now. I will raise a wishniak in his honor tonight. RIP Cal.

[jason (loonyboi) bergman]

I'm in utter shock at this news...I too remember the Shooters/QuakeCast days, and JUDGECAL (always with the caps!) was so upbeat, and fun to be around.

I just don't know what more to say...he was such a great guy.

I owe him a lot (and you as well). My career can be directly traced back to those days.

So sad. He will be missed.

[Fargo]

I only briefly knew Cal but he really set the tone wherever he was. Big infectious smile. Tons of energy. I made some guest cameos on QuakeCast a few times and always had a blast thanks to him (you too, Janice!)

The dude was so full of life I can't understand that he's gone. It just blows my mind. And I haven't seen him in ten years... I just figured he'd always be out there, making some crazy Internet company work.

-Fargo

[Stevie]

So sad to hear this news. :( I'll always remember that huge smile and the blond hair. Cal was a quality human being.

[Bitstream]

I met Cal at M3. He was a great guy and was very personnable and down to earth. I ended up hanging out with him more at the following Quakecon. I remember racing against him in MotoRacer and him showing me a few photoshop tricks. I didn't see him since then but I have thought about him often and what ever came of him. Recently he was on my brain again after the owner of Pseudo was in the news and I went back and researched the company. Really sorry to hear he is gone. He will be missed.

[Rick]

Denial. Shock. All of it there.

It seems like just yesterday we were all in the studio, fragging up a storm at the QuakeWorld release party with JCal, the id guys, blue, and allot of (now 30+ year old) pioneers in FPS gaming.

I last spoke to Mark a few years ago when he was writing an article for GameSpy about people that helped out with QuakeWorld Beta in the early years. I hadn't seen him since '97...I always remembered his Billy Idol looks, and insanely mature and cool manner. Another fine case of "don't judge a book by it's cover."

Shock is all I feel at the moment. So tragic to see someone that worked so hard to pull themselves up taken from us at such a young age.

You will be missed, mate. But you will always "have the lead."

-Rick "^Drag0n^" Brewer

[Tolwyn]

I was on QuakeCast one or two times back in the day, promoting either Siren's PicPage or my own CD that Mark Klem and I were releasing for Quake-style games that used the CDROM drive (ah, before MP3s were easily encoded).

I remember JUDGECAL and feel a pang of sadness in his passing.

[Stana]

Shit. I wish my memories from back in the day were clearer so I could share some of them. Sending you lots of love Janice.

[Lauren Stauber]

Janice, I am sorry for this loss. I'm a little out of the loop these days, so I just learned of Cal's passing from a NY Times article. I met Cal in the mid 80's when we were both teenagers, lurking about meetings at the old Electric Circus and stumbling out of Save the Robots at 7am. I remember the early days of Icon Man, those first shows and how excited he was about the project. He was a powerful presence, on and off the stage. He was intimidatingly hot - and I mean this in the most superficial of ways - but then there was this "something", this vulnerable and irresistibly lovable something, peaking out from peroxide spikes with a crooked smile and some telling glance of understanding, of recognition, of camaraderie... We lost touch, just crossed paths briefly over the years. I was always happy to see him around, because when we first met, the feeling was that if we lived past 25, it would be an achievement. I'm sad to learn of his passing - clearly he had so much left to do in this world. But in some way, knowing he made it as far as he did, I want to cheer for him like we did in the Cat Club back in the Icon Man days... Cal, you made it way past 25 and you did it Your Way! I wish I could be there tonight to remember you with all the others you've touched. I'll send my cheers, and my tears, from here.

[Galinsky]

so warm and nice to read these comments.... :)

[Bret]

Hi there...I have a project for Judgecal underway and would like to speak with you "off the grid" if possible. Can you email me? bk@shootdeviant.com. Thank you!