Wednesday, September 13, 2004
I had to cut it short tonight -- there was a housing workshop in the lounge, so I cleared out around 7:30. The girls were satisfyingly dismayed that I was leaving early.
Because, you see, it's all about my ego.
I was having a hard time getting motivated to go, remembering last week, feeling stressed about my deadlines, but I went anyway, and when I walked into the cafeteria, Aphrodite said hi, and sloppy girl from last week said, "Oh good, you're here." So I immediately felt like it was worth coming. I mean, I know I essentially bribe the girls to like me, with the beads and the granola bars, but it's nice to feel liked anyway.
We were having a good time tonight, too. A table full of girls -- Georgina, the sloppy girl, who I should refer to as Sweetie, because she is really sweet and funny. Georgina seems to have found a place here, though she is little and white and speaks funny, the rest of the girls accept her. And Sweetie is adjusting all right, too, with her various patches of hair sticking out from her head at various angles. A girl who makes earrings and a bracelet in the colors of the Trinidadian flag (red, white, black) keeps asking everybody, "What does this look like to you?"
The correct answer to this is, "Trini."
When you say the correct answer, she goes, "Rragh rragh rragh! Rragh rragh rragh!" and waves her fist in a circle, and shakes her pumpkin ass up and down.
Who else. Autumn, a stone butch, always says hi and takes a granola bar, but she ain't makin' no beads. "Them beads is old school now," she says, but kindly. She appreciates me, and she let me know that if I ever switch over to lanyards or some other craft, she will join in. I appreciate Autumn too, and I really need to find a place to get lanyard cord.
I don't know, I was enjoying myself tonight. People were mellow and in a good mood. I always feel privileged to hang out with these girls, to feel semi-accepted -- the semi-acceptance I wanted when I was there back in '84. See? Selfish. I worry that I'm using them for material, that I'm playing anthropologist. I don't really help with anything; when I first signed up to volunteer I thought I'd be changing lives. Instead, I make beads.
So when Nicole came out from the office and said, "Hey, we're having a housing workshop, you guys need to pack it up, okay?", I said, "Sure thing."
And the girls groused, and I said, "Listen, housing is way more important than earrings. These people will get you housing."
They know the importance of housing. I don't have to tell them.
"I wanted to make earrings," grumbles a girl in purple.
"Well, I'll see you next week."
I save everybody's half-finished projects in separate plastic bags. Some of the girls won't be here next week to complete them. But I will.
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