How to write when you're not writing anything

So the story collection I was working on this summer, which bore the most recent working title Top Friend, was gently rejected by my editor the other week. I’m not too distressed about it; I’d sort of lost enthusiasm for the project – as a matter of fact, if he’d accepted the proposal and set a deadline for a finished draft, I’d have been screwed. And I’m grateful to be able to work with someone who can tell me, in a caring and supportive manner, “This is not your best work; I think you can do better.” He inspires me to do so.

But now I’m left project-less again, which is not a comfortable place for me to be. I banged out a few freelance pieces in the past two weeks – one will be online on Monday, the other I’m reading at Thursday's Nextbook show in Boston – but now I’m just sort of sitting here at my desk, twiddling my thumbs over the keyboard. I’ve been keeping productive – dreaming up more freelance pitches, noodling around with some vague ideas for stories, taking care of dumb to-do’s like going to the dentist. And continuing to show up at the blank page, even when it feels pointless, even when all I do is churn out crap, because I know that, even though nothing’s happening right now, nothing will ever happen if I don’t at least show up and try.

At the same time, I have the sense that I may have been trying too hard – I think that’s why I jumped the gun on the story collection, and tried to sell it on the basis of three story drafts and a title. Maybe if I hadn’t been so desperate to say, “THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY NEXT PROJECT,” I might have let the thing evolve at its own pace, and actually finished it before dragging it out into the marketplace half-baked. Or I might have come to the conclusion that it wasn’t in fact my best work, which may have been happening anyway; that may account for the flagging enthusiasm I experienced. I don’t think there was any harm done in this case – my editor doesn’t think any worse of me for having tried something new, nor do I think any worse of myself, and we were able to salvage the one story I still liked, Twins, and get it out into the world. Still, I have to be aware of my tendency to pounce all over a fragile, newborn idea and inadvertently stomp it to death in my eagerness.  

So as tempted as I am to take the germ of an idea I had the other day and bray about it all over town, to call it my Next Official Project and set ridiculous deadlines for myself (Preliminary outline by Dec. 1! Proposal by Jan. 1! Finished draft by August 1!), I’m not even touching it right now. I’m not even thinking about it. I’m not going to the bookstore to research similar titles; I haven’t set myself a reading list of works that pertain to the subject matter for inspiration. Instead, I’m working on something totally unrelated, in between freelance pieces – something I don’t currently plan to publish, or even to finish. I’m just writing for the sake of writing, for the sake of getting the story out of my head and onto the page. It feels strange, for someone as goal-oriented and deadline-driven as I am, to have no goals and no deadlines for my next book, but all right. My goal is to write something great. My deadline is to do it before I die. In the meantime, I’m learning to enjoy the twiddling of my thumbs over the keys again. 

Comments

[satia]

I have a question for you . . . You recommend How to Write a Book Proposal by Eric Maisel. Any recommendation for non-non-fiction writers? I am meeting with someone who is writing a novel and I was about to recommend Maisel's book when the "duh" factor kicked in and I realized that I don't know what book, if any, I could recommend.

But I know you so maybe you can recommend something.

I’m just writing for the sake of writing, for the sake of getting the story out of my head and onto the page. It feels strange, for someone as goal-oriented and deadline-driven as I am, to have no goals and no deadlines for my next book, but all right. My goal is to write something great. My deadline is to do it before I die. In the meantime, I’m learning to enjoy the twiddling of my thumbs over the keys again.

My day has been book ended by brilliance. This morning, I read the first page of this year's Halloween special and was thrilled to see a Whedon-verse reference. And now, at the end of my day, I am reading this. I love the people in my life. I feel so at home right now. Thank you.

[Kirsten]

I am intrigued by the jettisoned project. Maybe a resurrection in the future?

[Danika]

"just writing for the sake of writing, for the sake of getting the story out of my head and onto the page."

That is a great idea! :) Have fun with it!!

[Kirsten]

Talk about timing! See link to today's Post.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/16/AR2008101603389.html

[Heather]

Take your time. Your true friends and fans will wait as long as it takes...just please don't write a romance novel, and please don't let me see it in line at Walmart! Kidding, kidding. But really, please don't.

[Ashley]

You said you wanted to write something great. You did--Girlbomb and Have You Found Her. And guess what? You did it before you died. Congrats!

But seriously--your plans sound great. I am inspired by you. I like this:
"...even when all I do is churn out crap, because I know that, even though nothing’s happening right now, nothing will ever happen if I don’t at least show up and try."

Right now all I'm doing is blogging, but at least I'm showing up.

[Jennifer Glick]

Aw come on, write a romance novel. I totally dare you.