Theoretically, I am very happy that I ended the month with 53,347 words more than I started it with, but in fact, I am in kind of a shit mood about it, which is so dumb, because there are actual problems in the world to be in a shit mood over and waaah, I wrote a bunch of pages this month is not one of them. But I'm not here to defend my feelings; I'm just here to describe them. Sometimes I have felt very good at the end of a project. This is not one of those times.
Probably because this is not the end of the project, not by a long shot, nor is it the glorious first draft phase when you're flushed with discovery, and every hour spent writing feels like an hour of intimacy with a fascinating new love. There is so much hard work to go, and so much self-doubt and second guessing, and sometimes it feels like I get a good idea, but then I pounce all over it and smoosh all the goodness out of it until it's flat and squishy, hokey and overdone. (That happened, like, six times from 2006-2008.) And once I've botched it, I can never get back to that original idea that was so good, like when you wake up from a dream and start trying to describe it -- "We were in some kind of...place...a school, or on a office, or an auditorium or something" -- and with every word you apply to it, you ruin it more, because that wasn't it.
Books I read this month while writing this whatever it is:
Jessie Sholl's DIRTY SECRET
Coming out next month -- a very accurate, honest, and empathetic look at her mother's hoarding.
Rachel Lloyd's GIRLS LIKE US
Coming out in April 11 -- a vivid life story/manifesto about commercial sexual exploitation.
Piper Kerman's ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK
Ooh! She went to prison! I always sort of wondered if I could make it in prison. Turns out no.
Rachel Reiland's GET ME OUT OF HERE
Borderline Personality Disorder from the inside. Interesting and honest, but not as good as Stacy Pershall's LOUD IN THE HOUSE OF MYSELF, coming out in January.
Caroline Kraus's BORDERLINES
Borderline Personality Disorder from the outside. Co-dependent Caroline suffers at her BPD BFFs hands. Emotionally gory! Fun stuff.
Steketee and Frost's STUFF
An engaging non-fiction overview of the psychology behind hoarding.
E.L. Doctorow's HOMER AND LANGLEY
Fictionalization of the story of the famous Collyer Brothers, who were, coincidentally, hoarders. Very well-imagined, not a lot of action, just kind of a'ight for me, dawg.
Emma Donoghue's ROOM
Yes, I read this icky bestseller, told from the POV of a five year old who's lived his entire life locked in a room with his mother by a psycho captor, and I'm sorry for being such a prurient sheep and so much Part of the Problem, but it was like a big dumb movie I couldn't resist, and it was secretly very satisfying, much like when I watched It's Complicated on cable.
Suzanne Collins' THE HUNGER GAMES, CATCHING FIRE, and MOCKINGJAY
Baa.
Sue William Silverman's LOVE SICK
A woman's recovery from sexual addiction. Too much recovery, not enough addiction, but good enough to recommend.
Patti Smith's JUST KIDS
She was much cooler than anybody else ever has been or will be, so the rest of us can just give up.
Sounds like post-nano-burnout to me. I learned after the first (or second?) nano year that I could pretty much expect December to be about elation plummeting into despair. That's just how it went for me.
And sheep . . . baaaa . . .
I'm reading the Caldecott Medal Winners in reverse. It's interesting to see the difference in what is rewarded then versus now. In November I read:
Healing With Words by Diana Raab about a woman's diagnosis (breast cancer) and how she used writing to work through the experience. Includes poetry and journaling exercises/prompts.
The Witches by Roald Dahl which I surprisingly loathed. Something Dahl's suggesting a bald woman is indecent and remembering my mother's bald head just put me off altogether and early on.
Harvesting Minds by Roy Fox about how Channel One is used in the classroom and the effect that the mandatory commercials have upon the children who are forced to watch day after day.
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak is to wonderful to put into words. Young German girl in WWII, her life, her friends, as told by the narrator Death. Ultimately, about the power of words and writing to give meaning to the self, etc.
Portrait of a Marriage by Nigel Nicolson which was far more loving than that movie. I'm still furious about some added nonsense in that one.
Imperfect Birds by Anne Lamott which I guess is my turn to say baaaaaaa
Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde is a fun bit of fluff reading, with a lot of literary allusions and painful puns.
The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler which a friend wanted me to read and I enjoyed but I think could have been much better. I think I'm not oblivious enough to adore it.
Bliss by Katherine Ramsland which I can only recommend to someone who is riding the post-Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way high. Or someone far younger than I.
Friction by E R Frank a young adult novel about a girl who goes to a private alternative school and a new student that wreaks havoc in a lot of lives.
Dear Anais by Diana Raab is a collection of poems that also serve as a memoir, of sorts. Some redundant metaphors and poor editing on the publisher's part but not so elevated that I felt lost. *cough*Nox by Anne Carson*cough*
Weight by Jeanette Winterson whom I adore and who, even at her worse, is amazing. I want to be her when I grow up.
Call Me Mrs Miracle by Debbie Macomber is a bit of schmaltzy Christmas fluff. It was free. I had to read it to write a review to earn my free book. Ummm . . . yeah . . . there's a Hallmark movie coming out too. After reading the book I won't be watching the movie or the other Mrs Miracle movie because apparently this book is a sequel. The best thing I can say about it is that it has a good salad recipe. Oh, it's short so that helps too.
Bliss To You by Trixie Koontz was a random gift from my mother. A cute book for the sincere dog lover. (Apparently writing dogs have cat issues and never learn grammar. Then again, all writers, dog or human or what have you, seem to have issues.)
Yeah. That's what I read in November. I think I need to come over and raid your bookshelf in December. I need some help in my book choices.
Posted by: Satia | Dec 01, 2010 at 06:04 AM
i guiltily watched "it's complicated" on cable, too. i was riding on the hope of meryl streep.
Posted by: haydee escobar | Dec 02, 2010 at 12:20 AM
OMG, ROOM sounds like a VC Andrews book and I MUST READ IT.
Posted by: LORMO | Dec 04, 2010 at 09:40 AM